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I moved from the US to Australia. The guilt never left.
Six years after a temporary trip to Australia became a permanent move, a Philly native reckons with the expat guilt that shadows every sunny day and every missed family milestone.
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In 2020, I unwittingly moved to Australia on what was supposed to be a temporary trip lasting a few months. Instead of studying abroad for a semester and heading back to the Philly suburbs with some stories and a tan, I stayed for another six years.
Now, I'm a permanent resident eligible for citizenship. My life here is complete with Aussie friends, hobbies, beautiful weather, and Australianisms that no longer feel foreign to me.
I've built a life here, but it's at the expense of the one I used to have. Somewhere between my "morning cuppa" and my "arvo" lunch, despite the beautiful sunny day and the background noise of familiar magpie squawks, it hits me like a gut punch: expat guilt.
Studies have shown that migrating to a foreign country introduces multiple stressors that can negatively impact mental health. These include "a loss of cultural norms, religious customs, and social support systems, adjustment to a new culture, and changes in identity and concept of self."
The first one to two years abroad is a lot like the early phase of a relationship, the honeymoon. But as they say, wherever you go, there you are. Eventually, the adrenaline rush of it all settles, and the logistical realities of your new home begin to set in.
The honeymoon phase eventually gives way to an anxiety that your absence makes you a bad person. You begin to ask yourself, what obligations do I have to my loved ones back home, and am I failing to live up to them?
Of course, you're not there for anyone at home. You're physically on the other side of the world. You couldn't be less there if you tried. What people don't talk about in all the excitement of moving abroad, beyond all the firsts and the funny cultural clashes, is the lingering grief you feel for your old life that can take the wind out of your sails even on your best days.
Take a smarter break in your day - and see how far you get.
You'll acclimate to your new country. But there are things you can't get used to, and perhaps we shouldn't. Most notably, the omission of your old friends and family, whom you promise you'll stay in touch with by phone, video, text, or carrier pigeon.
And at first, you do. Eventually, though, life in opposite time zones means those calls get shorter. The stretches of time between each one get longer. You promise you'll keep in touch, only for months to go by in the blink of an eye.